A Marriage After His Heart

My journey and life unscripted as I transition from the role of a single mom living for God to a newlywed trying my best at blending and expanding my family, all while pursing a marriage after God and my husband's heart. Join us on this journey!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Marriage: Seasoning,Blending, & Timing

edited to add: some of my post may be in bullet format but it is because blogger will not space my paragraphs out. thanks

There is a reason why the bible tells us to let our speech be seasoned with grace. God knew that for women we can easily relate to seasoning things. As we prepare meals and test out recipes all the ingredients, seasonings, and the like have to be measured out perfectly. If we are off even by a little pinch or smidgen we know it as soon as we taste it, even if those eating never can ever tell the difference. I am learning that marriage is of the same fundamentals. The blending together of two lives, two ways of thinking, two pasts, two different walks with God, mixed with every day life, children, and surprise ambushes from the enemy and if we are off just a pinch with the seasoning of our words and thoughts it can be tasted, even if others can't taste it, we know individually.

Many of you who read my blog can remember me and my life as SingeMomForGod. Many of you remember my journey as a single mother praying for God's will to be done in my life in relation to my desire for marriage. While all is well with us, I won't sugar coat that entering into year two has definitely been a refining pot for us both. We met an older gentleman shortly after our anniversary who told us " Year 2 and 42 are the hardest" He chuckled, walked away and left us scoffing at him. We are a power team, Bonnie and Clyde for God, Ride or Die all the way...

It only seemed that a week later the devil took our scoffing and started throwing some curve balls and strong hits to the chin. We both woke up one day different, looking at each other like who is this person. Discussions started, then heated debates, then firm, discussions, then feelings started getting hurt, ego's bruised, and "ways" started settling in. I write this not to put my business out there or to say that I have a bad marriage, because I don't. I write this as the Lord leads me to "keep it real" to all those who look at my story as a fairytale ending I have fairy tale moments but still live in the real world.

I know I am taking the long road to get to my title point but just walk with me because I think I am on to something here. Contrary to popular belief, I do sometimes wish we would have waited before starting a family. I wish we would have waited not to see if we were going to work out, because BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND GOD ONLY WE ARE WORKING AND WILL CONTINUE TO WORK OUT, but I do believe we threw everything in the bowl and pressed blend a little quickly for ME and sometimes things blend smoothly, and some days if the lid is off we have the batter of our life flying all over the place.

  • For ME, I can look back and see how I needed an adjustment period. I needed that time to get used to being married, at home, and blending a family. I needed time to really see if I had concrete foundation in wifely submission and husband headship. I needed time to get used to not being in charge of everything. I needed time to learn my home and its needs as before I never really spent much time in it. For me as much as I love my baby and wouldn't trade her for the world I can see how waiting a few months would have been helpful. Notice I said for me. Again, I am still on this long path to my point so let me step it up a pace.

  • I strongly believe now that once you have been on your own for a while, especially being a single parent who has year and and year out been indoctrinated by feminism that marriage will require an extra measure of patience and long suffering. I also believe that God will provide you the measure that you need, but again time in the word, meditation and prayer is the key to getting that from Him.

  • Blending families is a huge task. It's not just you and yours, its you ,yours, his, yall's and the other parents. There are mannerisms, and pet peeves you have to get used to, there are the "I've always done or seen things done this way" that are added to the mix, there are more than a million little openings for flesh to creep in and distort words, and looks and silences. Now think of all the things I have mentioned and add hormones, pregnancy, birth, more hormones, sleepless nights, and all the other duties that come with an addition to the family and it just makes things a little more lumpy sometimes.

  • I know I may sound negative and while I am very content and happy being married, I am just keeping it real. I am saying the things that real people deal with and some Christians(and non) think should be kept silent and covered up.The reality is that its a challenge but an attainable and beautiful challenge. It takes dedication and consecration before God. It takes tears and fears and prayers. It is not at all impossible, in fact it is very possible to be happy, but it takes time. It takes time to get to know a person whom you have only had a courtship with, it takes time to learn their wants needs and desires, it takes time to nurture your relationship, it takes time to make your children feel included and safe in this new life of theirs, it takes time for them to get used to a new daddy or mommy, it takes time for the spouses child to feel welcome and included, it takes time to build a co-parenting relationship, point blank when your life changes even if for the better it takes time to get used to it.

  • I am not advising anyone else to wait on having kids because that is between you and your spouse or fiance' and God, but I would advise anyone who is single, engaged, or in a courtship to really take out time to inventory your walk with God. Talk to your future spouse about their needs and desires for a home, pay attention to the mannerisms, ask those tough questions, fast and pray for God to consecrate you in those areas he knows you are the weaker to your spouses strength. I would advise every woman to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Prepare yourself mentally for the fact that once you marry there may be a baby in the very near future. Prepare financially. Most importantly take time to go before God with your intended to see what His recipe is for your marriage and make sure you have the the correct ingredients

mark and I on our honeymoon
I will close with saying this, the things I noted above may be the real everyday things that Mark and I go through, some days are better than others but our good days far, far,exceed our not so good days. Our love for God is what knits our hearts and souls together. Our faith in our marriage is what keeps us laughing at our arguments and disagreements. We are sold out to each other. We are one flesh and as I told him the other day, we share one heart and if one of us leaves we both die, we need each other to make it not just on this earth but eternally because we made a vow to God and He isn't too keen on vow breaking now is he?
Have a wonderfully blessed weekend!


Mary at Civilla's Cyber Cafe said...

Much wisdom in this post. Thanks for sharing. I see you got some of your paragraphs right. Blogger is funny. I hold down the "shift" key and then hit "enter" and it will make a paragraph. My grown son showed me that. He is 22 and young people that age know everything about computers, it seems! Have a blessed day. Love your pics.

Anonymous said...

Such truth in your post! Truth that too often women want to hide for fear of openly "keeping it real" because reality often isn't pretty. But being sold out to each other and GOD - now that's the key to a successful marriage!

DeNiece Barnes said...

Girl, you are so right and that is what I am trying to do on my blog is keep it real.....My hubby and I have fairy tale moments but we also live in reality...I found your blog one day by surfing the web and I have just been lurking and reading never leaving a comment but after reading this well I had to say something, it was wonderful and uplifting so if you ever get the chance stop by and visit me at my blog http://organizedhomemakingforchrist.blogspot.com

Persuaded said...

Hey there girlie... You know I have often thought how difficult some things would be for me if my dh were ever to mend his ways and come back to the Lord and me. As wonderful as that would be, it would be hard for me to step back and let him take the lead again. I am no feminist, in fact, I would class myself as an anti-feminist, lol. But when you are a single mom, especially as the years go by, you have to step up. You have to be large and in charge... for the sake of the kids if for nothing else. Marriage would be an adjustment for me, no matter how much joy it gave me. Thanks for keeping it real, my dear♥

I have often thought of you and your writing... know that I am praying for you honey!