A Marriage After His Heart

My journey and life unscripted as I transition from the role of a single mom living for God to a newlywed trying my best at blending and expanding my family, all while pursing a marriage after God and my husband's heart. Join us on this journey!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Marriage, Merging and Football

photo by art.com
In my transition from an single mother to where I am now in my life as a`wife, I have learned a ton and one thing, the most important lesson that I have learned over the past year or so is that the sooner you transfer your power over to your husband the smoother things will flow in your marriage.

For years I held the title of CEO, COO, CFO and President of the Board of Directors in my little enterprise of a family and once I merged with my husband, I immediately gave up my power and titles.....or so I thought :). I was ( still am and struggle) with just being plain old bossy, not in a disrespectful way but in that gentle nudging way that I soon learned was borderline nagging, I also learned quickly that my husband married a wife and not his mother. I had to step back and see that although in ceremony and in theory I had relinquished my headship, in practice I was still performing ghost.

The good thing is, that I am married to a patient, laid back, and funny man who would often ( and still does) crack jokes at me when I am sounding like an old crow and yes ladies we can sound like old crows. The other good thing is that my husband realized that I had to be mommy and daddy and always responsible for every little thing for years and that our 6month courtship and few months of marriage was not going to dissipate those instincts that I had came to know as survival skills. What we did was first we prayed and fasted together that God would teach us how to merge our independent enterprises into one, we sat down and we figured out how and what worked best for our family on the natural side of life as Mark took over. We basically went in knowing that both spiritually and naturally this was going to be a learning and teaching moment but yet we resolved to go through this God's way with love and temperance, patience, and long suffering.

We also didn't set high expectations of each others roles outside of what God required. I knew automatically that I would have to submit to Mark's leadership, and while it was not a struggle at all, I had to learn how to sit patiently without tapping my fingers or chewing my nails and let him make the decisions that I was so used to making, the positive is that he never makes a decision without either consulting me or informing my why he did and actually he is a little more detailed in that area than I am. He always wants to be open with me and is motto is that you are my help meet, how can you know how to help me if you don't know what I plan on doing?? For me it makes it easier and I learned how to trust him fully without being tempted to add my two cents because we learned and are learning how to work together.

Most of you know that my husband is an ex football player, he is always in coach mode, he relates that way, we have this thing where we meet and things we discuss are plays. I have learned football talk and as crazy as it sounds it is funny to see him all amped up in coach mode, so it is easier for me to understand him because he is passionately expressing himself in his comfort zone ( now please know that this isn't his only language just his favorite LOL).

He is the head coach and I am the assistant, he the quarter back and I the receiver together our aim is to make touchdowns and win against the enemy and his defense. He plays many roles, and so do I. He's the head coach, offense and defense. I am offense , defence and his cheerleader and there are times we have to call an audible, a few times we've had a flag or two on a play but as long as we practice together and I keep him in my line of sight and not drop the ball we are good. He throws, I catch, he blocks, I run, WE SCORE. Our goal is simple play hard, play fair, have fun with as few flags, penalties and loss yards as possible. We know it's going to happen and when it does trust me God will throw a flag quickly but because we have him as our Official, we know we can get it together and regain those loss yards and come back stronger for it.

I will leave by saying this, if you are having trouble transferring your power to your husband then I can only suggest you turn your heart to God more and ask him to help you, even if your husband doesn't measure up in your eyes. Ask God to show you how to be a help meet to him. Every president needs a VP, every coach needs and assistant and while the one in the shadows may be the wisest and stronger just remember that if you transfer your wisdom and your strength it can only help the one in charge. It helps because unlike business or football you are not in competition with each other and if you are then again you need to turn your heart to God and pray that he will help you not him/her loose that competitive frame of mind. If you are a single parent thinking about marriage or on the road to marriage or even married your children must see togetherness.

If you are or were a single mom then your children need to see your heart turned towards submission. Its a beautiful thing, its a challenge only if you make it. If you remember that you are married and committed to God and trust him completely you will be able to loose that mistrust and smoothly transition into loving and honoring your husband in his God given role as the head.

Marriage is like the church, we are workers together with God and it can't survive on anything more or less than that. Be blessed and stay encouraged!
2 Corinthians 1:24 Not for that we have dominion over your faith, but are helpers of your joy: for by faith ye stand.


Mary at Civilla's Cyber Cafe said...

Good analogy! That's great!

Carrie @ Cottage Cozy said...

What beautiful words on marriage. A thread of three with God being the strongest. Your post was an encouragement to my 29 year marriage. Thanks.

Stay Cozy, Carrie

Lylah Ledner said...

i LOVE this! you go girl!