A Marriage After His Heart

My journey and life unscripted as I transition from the role of a single mom living for God to a newlywed trying my best at blending and expanding my family, all while pursing a marriage after God and my husband's heart. Join us on this journey!

Monday, September 21, 2009

The Fear of the "Real" Factor

As I typed this post that I posted on Friday, a great part of me wondered it I were being too real. If I were exposing too much of my struggles and journey. I wondered heavily if I were casting darkness on my light of faith that I strive to shine each and every day of my life.

I have read many a post where women are admonished for telling too much business, and sure I have internally admonished quite a few myself because the tone was a little bit more than I thought it should have been, but lately I have had to step back and evaluate my thoughts on keeping things real in blog land.

I believe we have this notion of "proper-ness" that we will expose our homeschooling schedules, our menus, our daily trips to and from, our coupon deals, recipes, political views, spiritual journey's frugality,biblical views and opinions and yet we come to a screeching halt when we feel we are getting too close to the line of our marital struggles we stop. Why is that? Why do we equate sharing the struggles of our marriages with airing our dirty laundry and I am not talking about the nitty gritty details or arguments, I speak of the learning curves, the I rode the wave and lived to tell about it stories. I'm talking about the marital triumphs and how they were attained. Oh, I know we can speak loudly about overcoming feminism, or learning to be church mouse quiet or super submissive but what are we quiet about? What are we submitting to? I also know that its much easier to tell a reading audience not to look at me for marital advice but to look to God and the bible, but how do I know God isn't sending someone to learn from my story or how do you know He isn't using yours to help me?

As I read the Bible, I read countless stories especially in the OT that seem like a dramatic mini series or a script for a soap opera. God exposed the good the bad and the ugly. He left it on record for us to glean and learn his lessons some generations to come. Each and every story in the bible is a testimony for the person written. Some show the awesome power of God, some show struggles in faith, others disobedience and the recompense of that individual's reward, and the fact of the matter is that it's there, written, on record for all the world to read . Think about it, do you really think Potipher's wife wanted everyone to know that she was a seductress and lied on the man of God? How about Hannah, do you think that she wanted us to know that she was barren and jealous of her husbands other wife or that she was insecure? What about Sarah? Do you really think she would be excited at the fact that for centuries to come everyone would know that she doubted God and laughed at his promise? Maybe, or maybe not but it is there in plain old black and white in hundreds of translations thousands of years later.

Now, I don't believe that we should give any testimony of our lives current or past that isn't useful for edification, encouragement, or teaching. I also don't believe that blogs should be a means to an end of belaboring all of our frustrations of our day to day lives. I most certainly don't believe that blogs should be a vehicle to blast our husbands, wives, and children or other blogs for that matter however, if encouraging another married couple that they can make it through the storms is your hearts intent and its okay with God and your husband then I say go for it.

Now please don't think for once that I am saying a person should just always "tell their business" marriage is sacred and the goings on between a husband and wife is private but I think it's okay to ask if on my journey through this world is there anything in my life that I can use to help someone walk with me. With the high rate of divorce in the church, and the lack of access to good counsel for some people would it hurt me tremendously if that person who googled "how to stay quiet when my husband is fussing about me burning dinner" learns from my story? Just a thought. Stay blessed and encouraged.


Anonymous said...


It is precisely your honesty and your willingness to "keep it real" is what I find totally refreshing about your blog.

I read a good deal of Christian life themed blogs and most do exactly what you mention - steer completely clear of any " personal " issues. I can appreciate and understand the need for privacy, but there is a lot that we can share, in general terms, such as you have, with each other. It is comforting to know that others experience some to the same day to day drama that we do and come through it successfully! Honestly, I think too many christian life blogs paint a false, entirely too rosey picture of real life!

I've wondered why your blog doesn't get as many comments or activity as some other similar blogs. (We read a few of the same blogs). Is it because you frequently broach "taboo" (in Christian circles) subjects such as single parenthood, the struggles of marital life, women working outside the home, etc.?? I wonder.

Please keep doing what you are doing. Your blog is honest, encouraging, and a delight :-)


Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

We already talked about this on the phone, but I want to add a thought. Many wives are very, very reserved in what they share precisely because they don't want to say anything that might disparage their husbands. I appreciate the sentiment.

In my case, I frequently find myself revealing all of my shortcomings in my marriage while deliberately leaving any negative points about my husband out of it, though he is far from perfect either.

I often wonder if it doesn't seem like my husband is a saint married to a shrew. Still, I refuse to say anything bad about him online, and I'm equally careful in real life.

A Marriage After His Heart said...

SB--- Thanks for the comments, I wonder the same thing sometimes, I just chalk it up to my inconsitency in blogging. Thank you so much for the encouragement though!


you know girlfriend that I agree with you and I would NEVER EVER advocate for any husband or wife to say anything disparging about their husbands, but I do belive that general references to how a Christian couple overcame challenges is not negative. I believe that speaking in genralizations, or something simple as hey Ive been married 50 years but our hardest years were such and such, why? well because our communication was off, or we had to work through financial stress and we hadn't learned fully how to give it over to God.

I just so happen to think the best examples of a good marriage are the ones walking around year after year acting as though they are newlyweds but are quick to point out that hey we have our off days...

That's all I am saying... But then again, I know I am preaching to the choir cuz you know exactly what I mean as always ;p *wink wink*

Mary at Civilla's Cyber Cafe said...

Yes, I've read posts where people say that if you talk about your family problems that is gossipping. I don't agree unless you are saying disparaging things about your family members.

Like Terry, I try not to disparage my husband, prefering to talk about my own faults instead.

I don't think we help others when we put forward a false front of perfection. That just makes people feel like they can never measure up. I like to think I am helping people by talking about some of my mistakes.

(You and always go back and delete a post that you think was too personal.)

I think you were just being honest, and possibly had a bad day. I knew where you were coming from, at any rate.