A Marriage After His Heart

My journey and life unscripted as I transition from the role of a single mom living for God to a newlywed trying my best at blending and expanding my family, all while pursing a marriage after God and my husband's heart. Join us on this journey!

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Things That Absolutely Appall Me

This morning the hubs and I were watching the Today Show on NBC and were discussing a piece that they had on teenagers and the dangers of a new phenomenon of" Text-ual Harassment" and "Sex-ting" you can watch the video here.It wasn't this new phenomenon that appalled me, it was the advice given by the two ladies who were interviewed. One was the president of the Ad Council that created the ads for the teenagers, the second was a Child Psychologist and mother of 4 daughters.

To summarize the commentary of the two "experts" parents should basically not take an active approach to textual harassment, or sex-ting when it occurs with their teens. You shouldn't address the other teens or their parents because it runs risk of your child being labeled "uncool" once it gets out they told their mommy and daddy on you. You shouldn't threaten to take away their Internet and cell phones when they send nude or racy photos or when they receive and forward these said photos around. Instead you should just warn your teen of the dangers of cyber and cellular stalking and abuse. And this type of abuse often opens the doors to the likelihood of domestic abuse for the abuser and the abused. In a nutshell you should basically be your child's friend, listen to them, and if they don't want to open up to you send them to a school counselor or another comfort adult. Basically someone who will pacify your child.

Okay am I missing something here??? I remember when I turned 16 or 17 I got my own phone line in my room. Back then that was the big thing, to have your own line with your own number in the phone book. I still could not have calls after 8pm and when I got caught sneaking on it late one night or early one morning rather, the guy I was talking to caught an earful of my mother bringing the wrath of disobedience immediately and very unsuspectingly to me. Never did she apologize for the embarrassment she caused and the next day my phone was disconnected. I didn't get my own phone again until I was an adult. End of story. There was no friendly singing of Kum Bah Yah, just plain old take my rules or loose your privileges plus some.

I have yet to figure out why a teenager under 16 who is not working, or involved in extra curricular activities that warrant having the privilege of a communication device needs with their own cell phone or their very own computer access? Why if the only thing that you need to do is to call me and let me know you are ready to be picked up, or that you are on your way home,etc, do you need extras like texting? Why are organizations spending millions of dollars on public service announcements on trying to help teens cope with this? Why not just simply remove the problem? Why is it that we have to pass laws for safer driving because our children try to text and drive, why not just simply realize that they are not mature enough for such things and DON'T GIVE IT TO THEM??

Furthermore when did a lack of these gadgets equate social demise for the teenager? Also, you will hear the Child Psychologist give the lamest advice on how a parent is supposed to become aware of your child's circle of friends without seeming as if you are snooping?? She even stated that her home phone never rings for her girls because they are always receiving text messages on their cell phones! Whatever happened to the good old days when you couldn't have a friend until your parents met? Am I truly stuck in some dark age? I mean really, am I holding on to a standard of parenting that is becoming extinct? Must I ask myself a question that I already know the answer to?

Sadly, this is the way of the world for our future generation. Our children are being raised by parents who can't say NO. They are learning to waste time and money on solutions to simple problems that are presented as overly complex. Instead of removing the snake from your house, they are being taught how to cope with living with a snake!

I cannot imagine living in my home with my daughters and not having a clue as to what is going on in their lives. I am a nosey momma as my momma was with me. I ask questions, I dig through pockets during laundry time, I read notes that are left in backpacks. There is no off- limits zone in my house, no reasonable expectation of privacy. I call parents before my child calls their child and introduce myself. I don't allow them to go on invites where the parent hasn't called to introduce themselves but rather stuffed invitations in the backpacks of their kids without leaving some sort of RSVP number so we can at least have a conversation.

Some may say that I need to set a boundary of trust with my children and I believe that I will but I will always remember that " Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction will drive it away." The rod in my book doesn't always have to be a literal rod, but the rod of being as much as an all knowing parent as I can be. The rod of letting my child know that I serve a God who won't allow his teaching to return void. A God who is all knowing and will give me the wisdom to ask the right questions, and who will expose every secret thing.

I know that this is a horse that has probably been beaten to death, resurrected, and beaten to death again. I just don't see where this type of advice fits with those of us who have vowed that "For me and my house; we will serve the Lord"

1 comment:

Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

I'll tell where this advice fits: It doesn't!

I agree with you 110%. My girls have a cell phone. But they ahve a pay as you go phone that I refill with a small amount as neeeded for them to call or contact me, their dad, or each other. They asked me to buy text messaging features. We said NO. They don't need it. For what? To send and receive things that I have no idea what they are sending and receiving. But fo the fact that they are in middle and high school, they wouldn't even have a cell phone.

These so-called psychologists who are supposed to be concerned with the best interests of children appall me, too. Parents need to turn a deaf ear to this type of advice. Your kid is sending sexy pictures of themselves over the phone and you're supposed to tolerate that? Ugh! It's sickening.