A Marriage After His Heart

My journey and life unscripted as I transition from the role of a single mom living for God to a newlywed trying my best at blending and expanding my family, all while pursing a marriage after God and my husband's heart. Join us on this journey!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Reflection on Mustard Grain Faith

I was reading through the older posts from last year on my other blog. I was trying to look back and reflect on my life and to measure the mileage on my journey from last year to where I am now. When I wrote this post, I was in a season of prayer, my now husband had just approached my pastor and I about his desire to marry me. It was something that I wanted for so long, but when it came I felt unworthy.

Fast forward a year later, I am now married to that man and expecting his child in a few weeks. We went through a period of plenty before we were married and now after being married we are now in a period of less. We have become stronger, more grounded in our faith as God has always provided a ram in the thicket, and as his word promised we have yet to beg for bread. However, that doesn't mean that we still have fears and insecurities about those things that we desire for our family. While we appreciate this time of struggle materially, we do have needs and desires that we have placed on the altar before the Lord. This post last year was of a different nature than this time last year, but is exactly what I needed to reinvigorate my faith this year. I just wanted to share and I hope that it is a blessing to some one. Be blessed and have a wonderful weekend.

Previously Posted on SingleMomForGod
I would like to share with you what has been on my mind heavily the past few days. I feel at peace sharing my most intimate thoughts with my readers, this helps me stay focused. It keeps me accountable, and I ask for your prayers that I will grow stronger in this area of my life.
As women, I believe there are times when then enemy tests our faith. Not our faith in the things we desire or ask of God, but our faith in ourselves. We have these nipping insecurities that will rob us of our joy and peace. Mine is a battle of self doubt. With this being said we have to constantly remember that we are daughters of the highest lineage and when we keep his commandments and prove him to be true to his word,then we are deserving of all the blessings he gives us.
I find it so odd that when we are growing up, we place so many unnecessary expectations and time lines on ourselves and our lives. If not careful we let society dictate where we should be in our lives at a certain time in our lives. When we start to reach those self imposed time-lines we want to panic if we are not close to our goals. This all happens simply because in our planning stage we planned, we planned and not God! Hence the anxiousness and undue burdens some women carry about daily. (myself included)There are certain things that I have been before God about, and now that I am seeing that he is proving himself to me, I find myself battling fear. Fear of unworthiness, fear that I simply am not prepared to receive the gift I have asked for. Fear of my current place in my life and all those unreached goals, and just plain old fear of the unknown. I battle fear that I should be at a certain place in my life in comparison to others who's situations are not even close to being similar to mine.
The funny thing is that this is all me measuring myself, and not how God sees me. I feel strong in my heart that He is pleased with me, so why the fear? Well I guess the fear is there because the enemy needed to clock in to work today. The enemy keeps showing me all the ways that I am not prepared in relation to my measurements. However, God is so faithful, that he will not leave us or forsake us and he will give us victory over our fears and allow us to grow into his blessings. I don't believe one bit that he blesses us before we are ready and able to appreciate, and accept what he gives us.

1 comment:

Terry @ Breathing Grace said...

Powerful stuff! And I bet, given the way our cultures likes to set appointed times for this or that, you NEVER imagined you'd be 7 months pregnant less than a year into your marriage!

God is good, and He holds our times in His hands.