A Marriage After His Heart

My journey and life unscripted as I transition from the role of a single mom living for God to a newlywed trying my best at blending and expanding my family, all while pursing a marriage after God and my husband's heart. Join us on this journey!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Houston I Have Internet, Co Parenting, and Other Musings

I am so excited to announce that after a couple of years of not having Internet availability or access in my community, that I finally have home access. God worked out a sweet deal between us and my daughter's father who works for AT&T to come together and obtain a wireless card for my laptop. It is a beautiful thing when adults who are co-parenting can come together and simplify things not only for the children but for all who are involved in the lives of the children. I am thankful, first to God, next to my husband and then to the parents on both sides of the fence.

It takes patience, humility, divine instruction, and heaps of kindness to co parent and even more when both spouses have another parent to add to the equation. I have been blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my oldest daughter's father, and through the years he has always supported my parenting decisions and has sided with me even though he is not a Christian. He trusts and values my Christianity and knows that my daughter is better off with the decisions that I make, although he has a lot of good parenting advice for her too. I am also glad that my husband never had a desire to take his place as her father and always encourages her to keep and value her relationship with her biological father. Her dad lives in a different state so they have never formally met but they have formed a mutual respect for each others place in mine and my daughter's life.

With my youngest, its unfortunate but we have no relationship with her father. My decision to keep her resulted in the sacrifice of her never knowing or meeting her father. I would always tell her that I believe that in his own way he loves her, but we just have to pray for God to bless him to learn how to express it. Explaining paternal absence to a child has to be the most hurtful and devastating thing for a mother to have to do, but I also take some sort of comfort that he continues to support her financially and although he is selfish not to form a relationship with her, in his own little twisted way, he is showing some sort of love for her. I often tell people who know our situation that I can appreciate that he let one hurting do it, instead of being in and out, making and breaking promises or visits he just decided to walk completely out of her life and while it hurts, it doesn't hurt as bad as having constantly rip a band aid off an open wound.

One thing I always taught her was that anytime God takes something away from you, he gives you something better and blessing her with a "daddy" who loves her 100% was no different. I will forever be grateful that she was able to witness the promises of God through my courtship and marriage. She has a bond with my husband that is definitely a divine bond created and gifted by God. I can see that she feels loved and secure and no longer feels left out of the daddy's girls club.

On another note, early this year on my other blog SingleMomForGod, I posted a series of posts about my views about a certain pop star and her family who was going through some very trying times publicly and how we need to be careful to help our children and their idolization of pop culture and teen idols. You can read the posts here , here and here. Well, today I just so happen to be surfing the channels for a moment when I had some downtime and I came across the Britney Spears documentary she made while she was trying to get her life back on track, I must say I couldn't change the channel. My heart went out for her because she was so open, so human, so fragile as she was speaking about her melt down, her loss of custody, and just living her life in a public fishbowl.She is a fellow mother, and a single mother and my heart and prayers go out for her. Watching her just made me want to express even more how important it is that we teach our children the reality of the world. They need to know that what they see on TV with their favorite actor, or singer is really fantasy and a lifestyle not to be coveted and that famous people are still human, they make mistakes, they have good and bad days and they in essence don't have a life of real content and structure. I believe in telling our children and teens that they are blessed beyond measure just to have a normal life, to be able to by anonymous and live life simply is a desire for almost all of their favorite stars who on the outward glance seems to have the perfect life.

Our children will make mistakes, and will have falls, and humiliations that may seem major but for them to have the encouragement that they can do all of that and not have the whole world watching as it happens is a true blessing and makes it easier to overcome.

I wish everyone a wonderful weekend and I can't wait until I can start posting daily! Take care and God bless!