Wednesday, July 2, 2008
This week so far, I have been home alone. Mark is off at a conference and the girls won't be home until tonight. At first I thought it would be hard to be alone, especially since my hubby and I have been joined at the hip since the wedding. The scary thing is, I started to see that I enjoyed the time alone. Not only did I enjoy it, I plain old just didn't want to be bothered. At a crossroad I decided to pray and ask God to help me with this feeling because I could see the enemy working very subtly.
One of the fears that I had before getting married is that I would have to battle my independent spirit. Part of that was me having the choice to interact with people or not. If I start accepting the thoughts of just always wanting alone time, then where would my husband fit in? How would that make him feel wanted, desired, or considered? While I was at home enjoying my alone time. He was hours away not wanting alone time, desiring to be in the company of his wife and family.
Imagine how he would have felt if I had brushed him off, albeit unintentionally or not. This is when I realized that I have to endeavour to lay myself aside and seek the right frame of mind for my marriage. I am starting to see that all the more. It's easy to feel as if you are loosing yourself once you become one; but isn't that the point? We are supposed to subtract ourselves from the equation and become one.
I admit, yesterday I was feeling selfish. I came home craving strawberry shortcake, I open the fridge and no strawberries. Why? Well my husband snacks constantly through out the night and early morning and well, he ate them all. Of course the enemy wanted to use my distance from him to fuel a fuming attitude that resulted in my desire to just be left alone. What did I do, I simply got up, went to Kroger and restocked. Not just with what I like, but with what he likes as well and even more. Even though I did this, I had to endeavour through the petty anger and thank God for the blessing of having my husband in my life ( even if he does have an out of the world appetite).
As I grow in this transition, I realize that I have to work on me. I have an instinctive response to when I am bothered about something, I become reclusive and quiet. I really don't want to be bothered which isn't healthy and it isn't Scripture. It is the opposite of endeavoring.
Endeavoring means I make myself talk and express myself in a loving and kind manner. It means saying I love you when I selfishly want to say nothing. It means saying I appreciate you, even if you have done something that pushes my button. Endeavoring means doing the exact opposite of what the enemy is trying to push you into doing. I once read this quote: " The only place success comes before work, is in the dictionary" Point well taken. If I want a successful marriage, then I must work, and endeavor for it.
BTW- Crystal over at BiblicalWomanhood is running a series entitled " Lovin that Man of Mine", I just so happened to drop in and found it very charming. We all know that validation and affirmation are key to a man's emotional needs and desires, but if we are not very careful validating and encouraging can fall in the trap of easier said than done.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
So I guess the Lord knows that I need someone in my life to help keep me focused and committed to a working plan.
Scripture also plainly states that we need to sit down and count the cost before doing anything. I will be the first to admit that I have not practiced this diligently in my home life as I should. I am nowhere near, close to or even in the same ball park as the Proverbs 31 woman. I believe that spending so many years of being on the go, and living in such a hurried state left me conditioned into thinking that I just can't live on a calender, or planner or any of those other homemaking organizers that many homemakers swear and live by.
So, since I see the error or my ways, and I married a man with a plan, I have to condition myself to consistently follow a more structured routine. With that being said, I plan on taking this long weekend to sit with him and our girls to develop a family planner/schedule, and with his prayer and guidance condition myself to convert to routine-ness.
I have often heard it said that it takes 21days to form a new habit. I am going to Guinea pig myself to see if its actually true. I believe that God can do it for me in less than 21 days, but it is going to mean that I am going to have to diligently die out to my will on doing things my way. This should make for interesting updates on this blog. So pray for me that I keep an open mind and will to change my destructive non-organized lifestyle, and adapt a more structured, decent and in order lifestyle that my husband needs to live in.
Ps: If anyone has any advice to solicit, or any templates of planners please email me. My email link is off to the side, or you can leave it in the comments.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Mark posing with the piranhas
I'll give you another example. Today he's leaving out of town for three days to attend a conference. I have been feeling really bad with horrible lower back spasms all weekend and I took something for it and was totally out of it last night and this morning. I really wanted to get up and have breakfast and spend quality time together before he left,but I couldn't shake the pain I was feeling. He never got angry, he insisted that I stay in bed, and he sent me the most loving email today validating his appreciation for me. The fact that he considers me makes me cry.
During our courtship, we didn't sit together during church services. We wanted to remain solely focused on the messages because our courtship was such a time of spiritual consecration. But this Sunday was our first service as a family and to see him with the girls brought tears to my eyes. They don't even know me anymore. They are so in love with him and they feel safe and comfortable with the fact that even at their young age they can see that he loves their momma.
I'm so glad I waited on God for my husband and I am eternally thankful that I didn't try to pick my husband myself because I would have as I did in the past short-changed myself.
Keep us in your prayers as we strive to blend together and continue to form our family as God would have us. People are continuously telling us that our happiness is just the "honeymoon phase." But we both know that God designed marriage to outlast what the pessimist and nay-saysers perceive as short lived honeymoon bliss. We believe and claim that this feeling will last as our vows reflect- "till death do us part."
Below is one last picture; taken on our honeymoon of me and my precious DH.
Love ya babe!