A Marriage After His Heart

My journey and life unscripted as I transition from the role of a single mom living for God to a newlywed trying my best at blending and expanding my family, all while pursing a marriage after God and my husband's heart. Join us on this journey!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Ephesians 4:3 Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

This week so far, I have been home alone. Mark is off at a conference and the girls won't be home until tonight. At first I thought it would be hard to be alone, especially since my hubby and I have been joined at the hip since the wedding. The scary thing is, I started to see that I enjoyed the time alone. Not only did I enjoy it, I plain old just didn't want to be bothered. At a crossroad I decided to pray and ask God to help me with this feeling because I could see the enemy working very subtly.

One of the fears that I had before getting married is that I would have to battle my independent spirit. Part of that was me having the choice to interact with people or not. If I start accepting the thoughts of just always wanting alone time, then where would my husband fit in? How would that make him feel wanted, desired, or considered? While I was at home enjoying my alone time. He was hours away not wanting alone time, desiring to be in the company of his wife and family.

Imagine how he would have felt if I had brushed him off, albeit unintentionally or not. This is when I realized that I have to endeavour to lay myself aside and seek the right frame of mind for my marriage. I am starting to see that all the more. It's easy to feel as if you are loosing yourself once you become one; but isn't that the point? We are supposed to subtract ourselves from the equation and become one.

I admit, yesterday I was feeling selfish. I came home craving strawberry shortcake, I open the fridge and no strawberries. Why? Well my husband snacks constantly through out the night and early morning and well, he ate them all. Of course the enemy wanted to use my distance from him to fuel a fuming attitude that resulted in my desire to just be left alone. What did I do, I simply got up, went to Kroger and restocked. Not just with what I like, but with what he likes as well and even more. Even though I did this, I had to endeavour through the petty anger and thank God for the blessing of having my husband in my life ( even if he does have an out of the world appetite).

As I grow in this transition, I realize that I have to work on me. I have an instinctive response to when I am bothered about something, I become reclusive and quiet. I really don't want to be bothered which isn't healthy and it isn't Scripture. It is the opposite of endeavoring.

Endeavoring means I make myself talk and express myself in a loving and kind manner. It means saying I love you when I selfishly want to say nothing. It means saying I appreciate you, even if you have done something that pushes my button. Endeavoring means doing the exact opposite of what the enemy is trying to push you into doing. I once read this quote: " The only place success comes before work, is in the dictionary" Point well taken. If I want a successful marriage, then I must work, and endeavor for it.

BTW- Crystal over at BiblicalWomanhood is running a series entitled " Lovin that Man of Mine", I just so happened to drop in and found it very charming. We all know that validation and affirmation are key to a man's emotional needs and desires, but if we are not very careful validating and encouraging can fall in the trap of easier said than done.


Terry said...

Wonderful post. So full of dying to self- which is what we have to do if we want our marriages to be all God designed them to be. God is really gracing you with His wisdom during this transition in your family. He is good, isn't he?

Snacking at night? Is that a man thing? I, too, have gone to the fridge looking to eat this or that and found that the husband wolfed it down at midnight the night before. And like you, I just restocked!! How funny.

Anonymous said...

I hear what your saying and trust me when I say dont beat yourself up, that I'm not saying its okay to constantly do this. But lets face it, you've been a single entity for several years, you just finished planning a whirlwind wedding and now your intergrating your family with another. Its a lot to take in. Your doing so well keeping God at the helm. Your not being selfish per-say, but I dont see a problem with needing the down time to adjust to your new life. Just use it as a time of growth but continue to do like you've been doing. Dont let slew foot make anything out of it. While your dh is missing you, he does have a little time with his thoughts to filter through. He's making changes also. He is now the head of 3 women!!

Enjoy your time since it must be, but dont EVER get use to a big lonely bed!!!!

Bridget said...

Wow! I really wish I had had this level of truth when I was first married! I enjoy reading your posts on marriage and following along with you in this season. Even though you are a newlywed, I have already picked up several tips on how to be a better wife! The Lord has really blessed you with much wisdom.

Carletta said...

You're miles ahead of where I was as a newlywed. I look back on that first year we spent together and it was full of needless nagging, bickering and all out arguing. I can't go back and change any of that, but it is a blessing to walk you take the opposite path of the one I took. Your marriage will be blessed for it!