Re Post: Birthday Wishes and Blogging Anniversary

primping for mommy's wedding

Today is my middle child's 8th birthday and marks the date I created my blog 2 years ago. We were working through some trying times in our lives as mother and daughter and for me writing and blogging is what gave me a sense of calm and refuge in the midst of the calamity of trying to find a place for both of us to fit in this place called life.

I wanted to pay her a special tribute her as she has been eagerly awaiting this day and constantly reminding everyone of the impending months, weeks, days, and hours until her birthday. She is my constant comedienne, and always puts a new spin on the phrase "out of the mouths of babes". The fridge and the walls can always count on her for creative art decor and we are constantly scouring spaces for new artwork. Her life ambition: To be an art teacher. I thank God for her and the growth that has taken place in her life and our relationship in just the past year most of all I thank God that he has blessed her to finally feel secure and loved completely by a mommy and daddy and her bond with Mark is as if it were created from her beginning.

As I sit today and just reflect on how last year I started blogging the day after her birthday and how far we have come in our life, how richly God has blessed us, and how unsuspectingly he created new chapters in our lives I am truly amazed. It is so moving

Boy Do I Love That Man!!!!

Oh yes I do and to prove it I'm gonna give that man another baby! Yes, I will. Sooner than later, like June sooner.

We've been mighty busy over here in the Thomas house, blending and mixing and forgetting that we have an almost six-month old! Never in a million years would I have ever guessed that I would be that woman who has a baby and gets pregnant like right after and in the same year!

No, I didn't know but God did. He knew that my friend Terry was praying for me to remain home and grow in my most important role ever, (here's to you Terry) God does answer prayers!

All jokes aside, we are beyond elated and so far I am feeling great! Please keep us in your prayers that this will be a smoother pregnancy and that I will have the strength to balance both little baby and big baby as we start this new journey. I'm not really sure how far along we are but will keep you all posted once we have an ultrasound.

Stay blessed and encouraged!

Wordless Wednsday

Marriage, Merging and Football

photo by art.com
In my transition from an single mother to where I am now in my life as a`wife, I have learned a ton and one thing, the most important lesson that I have learned over the past year or so is that the sooner you transfer your power over to your husband the smoother things will flow in your marriage.

For years I held the title of CEO, COO, CFO and President of the Board of Directors in my little enterprise of a family and once I merged with my husband, I immediately gave up my power and titles.....or so I thought :). I was ( still am and struggle) with just being plain old bossy, not in a disrespectful way but in that gentle nudging way that I soon learned was borderline nagging, I also learned quickly that my husband married a wife and not his mother. I had to step back and see that although in ceremony and in theory I had relinquished my headship, in practice I was still performing ghost.

The good thing is, that I am married to a patient, laid back, and funny man who would often ( and still does) crack jokes at me when I am sounding like an old crow and yes ladies we can sound like old crows. The other good thing is that my husband realized that I had to be mommy and daddy and always responsible for every little thing for years and that our 6month courtship and few months of marriage was not going to dissipate those instincts that I had came to know as survival skills. What we did was first we prayed and fasted together that God would teach us how to merge our independent enterprises into one, we sat down and we figured out how and what worked best for our family on the natural side of life as Mark took over. We basically went in knowing that both spiritually and naturally this was going to be a learning and teaching moment but yet we resolved to go through this God's way with love and temperance, patience, and long suffering.

We also didn't set high expectations of each others roles outside of what God required. I knew automatically that I would have to submit to Mark's leadership, and while it was not a struggle at all, I had to learn how to sit patiently without tapping my fingers or chewing my nails and let him make the decisions that I was so used to making, the positive is that he never makes a decision without either consulting me or informing my why he did and actually he is a little more detailed in that area than I am. He always wants to be open with me and is motto is that you are my help meet, how can you know how to help me if you don't know what I plan on doing?? For me it makes it easier and I learned how to trust him fully without being tempted to add my two cents because we learned and are learning how to work together.

Most of you know that my husband is an ex football player, he is always in coach mode, he relates that way, we have this thing where we meet and things we discuss are plays. I have learned football talk and as crazy as it sounds it is funny to see him all amped up in coach mode, so it is easier for me to understand him because he is passionately expressing himself in his comfort zone ( now please know that this isn't his only language just his favorite LOL).

He is the head coach and I am the assistant, he the quarter back and I the receiver together our aim is to make touchdowns and win against the enemy and his defense. He plays many roles, and so do I. He's the head coach, offense and defense. I am offense , defence and his cheerleader and there are times we have to call an audible, a few times we've had a flag or two on a play but as long as we practice together and I keep him in my line of sight and not drop the ball we are good. He throws, I catch, he blocks, I run, WE SCORE. Our goal is simple play hard, play fair, have fun with as few flags, penalties and loss yards as possible. We know it's going to happen and when it does trust me God will throw a flag quickly but because we have him as our Official, we know we can get it together and regain those loss yards and come back stronger for it.

I will leave by saying this, if you are having trouble transferring your power to your husband then I can only suggest you turn your heart to God more and ask him to help you, even if your husband doesn't measure up in your eyes. Ask God to show you how to be a help meet to him. Every president needs a VP, every coach needs and assistant and while the one in the shadows may be the wisest and stronger just remember that if you transfer your wisdom and your strength it can only help the one in charge. It helps because unlike business or football you are not in competition with each other and if you are then again you need to turn your heart to God and pray that he will help you not him/her loose that competitive frame of mind. If you are a single parent thinking about marriage or on the road to marriage or even married your children must see togetherness.

If you are or were a single mom then your children need to see your heart turned towards submission. Its a beautiful thing, its a challenge only if you make it. If you remember that you are married and committed to God and trust him completely you will be able to loose that mistrust and smoothly transition into loving and honoring your husband in his God given role as the head.

Marriage is like the church, we are workers together with God and it can't survive on anything more or less than that. Be blessed and stay encouraged!
2 Corinthians 1:24 Not for that we have dominion over your faith, but are helpers of your joy: for by faith ye stand.

The Fear of the "Real" Factor

As I typed this post that I posted on Friday, a great part of me wondered it I were being too real. If I were exposing too much of my struggles and journey. I wondered heavily if I were casting darkness on my light of faith that I strive to shine each and every day of my life.

I have read many a post where women are admonished for telling too much business, and sure I have internally admonished quite a few myself because the tone was a little bit more than I thought it should have been, but lately I have had to step back and evaluate my thoughts on keeping things real in blog land.



I believe we have this notion of "proper-ness" that we will expose our homeschooling schedules, our menus, our daily trips to and from, our coupon deals, recipes, political views, spiritual journey's frugality,biblical views and opinions and yet we come to a screeching halt when we feel we are getting too close to the line of our marital struggles we stop. Why is that? Why do we equate sharing the struggles of our marriages with airing our dirty laundry and I am not talking about the nitty gritty details or arguments, I speak of the learning curves, the I rode the wave and lived to tell about it stories. I'm talking about the marital triumphs and how they were attained. Oh, I know we can speak loudly about overcoming feminism, or learning to be church mouse quiet or super submissive but what are we quiet about? What are we submitting to? I also know that its much easier to tell a reading audience not to look at me for marital advice but to look to God and the bible, but how do I know God isn't sending someone to learn from my story or how do you know He isn't using yours to help me?


As I read the Bible, I read countless stories especially in the OT that seem like a dramatic mini series or a script for a soap opera. God exposed the good the bad and the ugly. He left it on record for us to glean and learn his lessons some generations to come. Each and every story in the bible is a testimony for the person written. Some show the awesome power of God, some show struggles in faith, others disobedience and the recompense of that individual's reward, and the fact of the matter is that it's there, written, on record for all the world to read . Think about it, do you really think Potipher's wife wanted everyone to know that she was a seductress and lied on the man of God? How about Hannah, do you think that she wanted us to know that she was barren and jealous of her husbands other wife or that she was insecure? What about Sarah? Do you really think she would be excited at the fact that for centuries to come everyone would know that she doubted God and laughed at his promise? Maybe, or maybe not but it is there in plain old black and white in hundreds of translations thousands of years later.

Now, I don't believe that we should give any testimony of our lives current or past that isn't useful for edification, encouragement, or teaching. I also don't believe that blogs should be a means to an end of belaboring all of our frustrations of our day to day lives. I most certainly don't believe that blogs should be a vehicle to blast our husbands, wives, and children or other blogs for that matter however, if encouraging another married couple that they can make it through the storms is your hearts intent and its okay with God and your husband then I say go for it.

Now please don't think for once that I am saying a person should just always "tell their business" marriage is sacred and the goings on between a husband and wife is private but I think it's okay to ask if on my journey through this world is there anything in my life that I can use to help someone walk with me. With the high rate of divorce in the church, and the lack of access to good counsel for some people would it hurt me tremendously if that person who googled "how to stay quiet when my husband is fussing about me burning dinner" learns from my story? Just a thought. Stay blessed and encouraged.

Marriage: Seasoning,Blending, & Timing

edited to add: some of my post may be in bullet format but it is because blogger will not space my paragraphs out. thanks

There is a reason why the bible tells us to let our speech be seasoned with grace. God knew that for women we can easily relate to seasoning things. As we prepare meals and test out recipes all the ingredients, seasonings, and the like have to be measured out perfectly. If we are off even by a little pinch or smidgen we know it as soon as we taste it, even if those eating never can ever tell the difference. I am learning that marriage is of the same fundamentals. The blending together of two lives, two ways of thinking, two pasts, two different walks with God, mixed with every day life, children, and surprise ambushes from the enemy and if we are off just a pinch with the seasoning of our words and thoughts it can be tasted, even if others can't taste it, we know individually.



Many of you who read my blog can remember me and my life as SingeMomForGod. Many of you remember my journey as a single mother praying for God's will to be done in my life in relation to my desire for marriage. While all is well with us, I won't sugar coat that entering into year two has definitely been a refining pot for us both. We met an older gentleman shortly after our anniversary who told us " Year 2 and 42 are the hardest" He chuckled, walked away and left us scoffing at him. We are a power team, Bonnie and Clyde for God, Ride or Die all the way...


It only seemed that a week later the devil took our scoffing and started throwing some curve balls and strong hits to the chin. We both woke up one day different, looking at each other like who is this person. Discussions started, then heated debates, then firm, discussions, then feelings started getting hurt, ego's bruised, and "ways" started settling in. I write this not to put my business out there or to say that I have a bad marriage, because I don't. I write this as the Lord leads me to "keep it real" to all those who look at my story as a fairytale ending I have fairy tale moments but still live in the real world.


I know I am taking the long road to get to my title point but just walk with me because I think I am on to something here. Contrary to popular belief, I do sometimes wish we would have waited before starting a family. I wish we would have waited not to see if we were going to work out, because BY THE GRACE OF GOD AND GOD ONLY WE ARE WORKING AND WILL CONTINUE TO WORK OUT, but I do believe we threw everything in the bowl and pressed blend a little quickly for ME and sometimes things blend smoothly, and some days if the lid is off we have the batter of our life flying all over the place.

• For ME, I can look back and see how I needed an adjustment period. I needed that time to get used to being married, at home, and blending a family. I needed time to really see if I had concrete foundation in wifely submission and husband headship. I needed time to get used to not being in charge of everything. I needed time to learn my home and its needs as before I never really spent much time in it. For me as much as I love my baby and wouldn't trade her for the world I can see how waiting a few months would have been helpful. Notice I said for me. Again, I am still on this long path to my point so let me step it up a pace.

• I strongly believe now that once you have been on your own for a while, especially being a single parent who has year and and year out been indoctrinated by feminism that marriage will require an extra measure of patience and long suffering. I also believe that God will provide you the measure that you need, but again time in the word, meditation and prayer is the key to getting that from Him.

• Blending families is a huge task. It's not just you and yours, its you ,yours, his, yall's and the other parents. There are mannerisms, and pet peeves you have to get used to, there are the "I've always done or seen things done this way" that are added to the mix, there are more than a million little openings for flesh to creep in and distort words, and looks and silences. Now think of all the things I have mentioned and add hormones, pregnancy, birth, more hormones, sleepless nights, and all the other duties that come with an addition to the family and it just makes things a little more lumpy sometimes.

• I know I may sound negative and while I am very content and happy being married, I am just keeping it real. I am saying the things that real people deal with and some Christians(and non) think should be kept silent and covered up.The reality is that its a challenge but an attainable and beautiful challenge. It takes dedication and consecration before God. It takes tears and fears and prayers. It is not at all impossible, in fact it is very possible to be happy, but it takes time. It takes time to get to know a person whom you have only had a courtship with, it takes time to learn their wants needs and desires, it takes time to nurture your relationship, it takes time to make your children feel included and safe in this new life of theirs, it takes time for them to get used to a new daddy or mommy, it takes time for the spouses child to feel welcome and included, it takes time to build a co-parenting relationship, point blank when your life changes even if for the better it takes time to get used to it.

• I am not advising anyone else to wait on having kids because that is between you and your spouse or fiance' and God, but I would advise anyone who is single, engaged, or in a courtship to really take out time to inventory your walk with God. Talk to your future spouse about their needs and desires for a home, pay attention to the mannerisms, ask those tough questions, fast and pray for God to consecrate you in those areas he knows you are the weaker to your spouses strength. I would advise every woman to take care of yourself emotionally and physically. Prepare yourself mentally for the fact that once you marry there may be a baby in the very near future. Prepare financially. Most importantly take time to go before God with your intended to see what His recipe is for your marriage and make sure you have the the correct ingredients

mark and I on our honeymoon
I will close with saying this, the things I noted above may be the real everyday things that Mark and I go through, some days are better than others but our good days far, far,exceed our not so good days. Our love for God is what knits our hearts and souls together. Our faith in our marriage is what keeps us laughing at our arguments and disagreements. We are sold out to each other. We are one flesh and as I told him the other day, we share one heart and if one of us leaves we both die, we need each other to make it not just on this earth but eternally because we made a vow to God and He isn't too keen on vow breaking now is he?
Have a wonderfully blessed weekend!

Dreary Days & Schedule Changes

Yesterday and today have been rainy, dull and dreary days. In my mind I figured I would make the most of them by tackling some overdue home projects. I figured since I hate driving and getting out in the rain what better excuse to organize photo albums and the like. Sounds good right???

Apparently not to a certain teething, gassy, stopped up and fussy 5 month old. Her schedule includes lying on the couch snuggled with her momma and sreaming profusely if I even think of leaving her side. Graci has decided to spend her rainy day being clingy and comforted. I won't lie I was a little frustrated. I did let her cry for a while as I tackled basic chores but then I thought Wow! I am blessed to be able to switch gears mid day or to even not turn gears on at all. I could be at work dreading the traffic knowing I have to rush to daycare, then home, then start dinner all while psuedo comforting someone who didn't ask to be teething or sick and who only wants the comfort of my smell, my heart beat and my snuggle.

So for now I am cuddled up on the couch with my little one while the smell of fresh bread fills the air. I will get up just in the nick of time to reheat the ginormous pot of chicken noodle soup for her sisters who are crossing the street in the rain, the pot that I made yesterday not knowing how my schedule would change today. It will also be ready by the time my beloved walks through the door ready to switch places as his baby girl has him wrapped around her finger.

I am not going to feel bad, or buy into the speech I hear so often; that I am spoiling my child who has only been in this world five short months. I am blessed because I am what fills her days, hours and minutes with happiness.

I don't know how much longer I have to relish this or when I am going back to work but I know that I am and I have to and until then I will enjoy working for my mini boss & co. the hugs, smiles and kisses are worth all their weight in gold! I am so blessed!
Be blessed and stay encouraged!